Dib's Luck
by Dibsthe1
Summary: Dib has to catch a plane, but it isn't easy. Will he make his flight? Some naughty wordies.


_(A/N) This year, to continue working in Korea, I had some additional paperwork that could only be completed in the capital city. My boss put me on the overnight train to Seoul and arranged for me to fly back the next day in time for all my classes. The train left on September 10, so I boarded the plane on September 11. Did THAT feel weird when I was doing it. _

_Posted in response to the complaint that all my fics are about Gaz. (All fics show Gaz as a swaggering, subhuman, backstabbing thug, but who else complains about that? Moreover, how many show her getting what she deserves?) Yes, I said "THE complaint," the only polite one that was posted. _

_My plane didn't fly into any buildings, and I don't own Invader Zim. _

**Dib's Luck**

Dib waited with increasing impatience for his turn. Just ahead of him, a slack-jawed china doll of a pampered six year old was painstakingingly making her selection. "Ahhhh... ahhhh... ahhhh... "

Dib turned aside and rolled his eyes. This was worse than waiting for Zim to finish reading one of his presentations about how amazing he supposedly was, and Dib had once thought nothing could be worse than that.

"Ahhhh... ahhhh... ahhhh... ahhhh... "

Excuse me, please, if she's still deciding, could I go ahead? I'm in a hurry, and I really need to... "

"You need to cool your heels until My Little Girl makes up her mind," her father snapped, louder than necessary considering Dib was right at his elbow. "Being older than someone else doesn't make you better!"

_Neither does being richer,_ thought Dib, taking in the man's tailored designer suit. However, he bit back the urge to take this stuffed shirt down a peg; a confrontation right now would cost him precious time, time he didn't have.

The girl continued to hem and haw, with the smug confidence of one used to always getting whatever she wanted, unless of course she had changed her mind in the meantime and decided she didn't want it any more. "Ahhhh.... ahhh... ahhh... ahhh... "

"Why don't you just buy her one of each?" Dib suggested to her father, smiling just a bit too widely.

"I didn't get where I am today by throwing money away." The man's sneer seemed to add,_ the way YOU do. _

Forced to continue waiting, Dib briefly wondered how if anyone else ever realized what a self-serving bully was hiding inside this Sugar Daddy.

Dib had left the house early enough, or so he had thought, not even stopping for a coffee. Unfortunately, whatever could go wrong had gone wrong. A car had broken down in front of him at an intersection, a water pipe had burst somewhere else, first slowing the traffic and finally requiring a detour, and in still another place, a tree had fallen in the night and landed nowhere else but directly across the road. All this ran through Dib's mind as he shifted from one foot to the other and waited for this pampered mite to decide between purple pop, pink pop, or pale colored pop.

Dib checked his watch for the tenth time in two minutes. He could just run to the ticket counter, but without his material, he may just as well stay home.

Once he caught the plane... which was looking less and less likely every second... it would be a long flight to China, but it would be well worth it. For centuries Asia had been the home of a matter-of-face faith in ghosts; people in the east believed in ghosts the way people in the west people believed the planes they were boarding would not crash. Many Asian countries honored ancestors at festivals even today. With a tradition like that, China now attached no stigma to believing in UFOs. There was no way to know when or if China would hold another such large paranormal conference, so Dib knew he had to seize this opportunity with both fists clenched.

Stifling a groan of exasperation, Dib checked his watch one more time. Fervently he wished he had never even seen this kiosk. If only he'd taken the time to have his morning coffee at home, or thought to stop at a coffee shop drive-through! With all the holdups on the road, he now knew he well could have. He could still hear himself asking for that damned coffee at this very kiosk a few minutes previously.

"Coffee to go if you would and a gum." Too many memories of being jeered at for "whining" every single time he opened his mouth now clipped Dib's speech, making him sound colder than he really was.

"What kind of gum, sir?" the clerk asked.

"Anything, surprise me," Dib said briskly, but when the clerk didn't move he said, " It doesn't... plain. Sugarfree, sure sure, why not."

Dib told the clerk to keep the change and left, but he hadn't made it more than a few hundred yards before realizing that in his haste he had left his briefcase at the kiosk. It contained his reason for even making this trip; if he went without it, he would almost as well stay home. He turned around and retraced his steps, but in just that brief time a small knot of customers had materialized out of nowhere as they often do. When Dib didn't see the briefcase in front of the counter his heart nearly stopped. Aloud he prayed that one of the customers had turned it in and the clerk had placed it in safe keeping.

Now Dib shifted from one foot to another until she FINALLY decided she wanted the pink one after all and the smiling sales clerk circled the straw around it playfully before giving it to her and only then did her father roll out a hundred dollar bill and then he had to wait for his change... and THEN he insisted that the clerk count it... twice...

"Finally," Dib grunted. The sales clerk's glare barely registered; Lord knows he'd endured plenty worse. "Did anyone turn in a dark briefcase, blue circles on one side, about this size... That'sitthankYOU!"

Dib practically flew from the snack kiosk down the main concourse of the airport. If he got stuck in line behind one more pampered princess and her hulking Max of a bodyguard, he'd never make his flight.

--------

Dib turned a sharp corner and bumped into somebody in a dark suit; somehow the coffee missed his suit and instead splattered on the floor. Dib never knew whether the word he shouted back over his shoulder was "Sorry!" or "Shit!" Now he'd have to wait until the plane had taken off and the flight attendants served breakfast.

He pulled out his ticket and checked the time. "7:40 already, damn, I'll never make it, Eastern Air is all the way down there... " He now double checked his ticket and this time noticed the airline as well. "NORTHeastern Air...!" Dib spun on his heel and now ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

Finally he found the sign that did read "Northeastern Air, Ticket Holders" and fell into line, panting.

When the line didn't appear to be moving... at ALL... Dib peered up to figure out why. In heaven's name, this airline had only two wickets and only one was open. And here he had thought he could slip through faster if he went with a smaller airline. Moreover, at the one that was open, a little old lady seemed to be telling the agent her life story. "Jeeeez, come ON... " Dib groaned audibly, rolling his eyes and tapping his other hand with his ticket.

He heard an audible grumble. "No respect for the aged in this day and age."

_Right, right... Nobody respected coddled spoiled brats either and what a shocking scandal that was... you better be the age they like or you're shit out of luck... _

FINALLY the old lady shuffled off and Dib sprang forward to take her place. The ticket agent looked at all Dib's papers, yeahyeah, you can't be too careful these days, Flight 422, window or aisle, I couldn't care less, just get me On. That. Plane if you kindly would madam etc, etc. and when everything was at last in order the agent told him to go to Gate Number 22... and hurry!

"Like I don't know it!"

--------

Security hassled him about his briefcase, just like he knew they would. They x-rayed it, but that wasn't enough; they wanted him to open it as well. After years of being taunted as crazy, Dib fully expected to be detained as a nut for having alien material in his briefcase. However time was pressing so badly now that it would be the lesser of two evils to open it, shut them up and be on his way. He popped open the briefcase. "There, see? Just photos!"

"What's this?"

"My camera."

"Mind taking a picture with it to show us it IS a camera? Not OF anything sir, just the floor."

Arguing would take more time than complying, and whatever would get him past all this bullshit would be well worth it.

After clicking the shutter and grabbing his briefcase, wallet and keys, Dib once more took off like the building was on fire. Where in the seven hells WAS the gate? When did this airport get so BIG? "Twenty-two, twenty-two... odd numbers are all that way, so it's gotta be... !"

FINALLY he saw the sign that read "Gate 22." As Dib made a last dash toward it, he held up his boarding pass, but to his sheer horror the airline agents began shaking their heads.

"Here!" he shouted, shaking the vital piece of paper. "You can see right here - "

"I'm sorry, sir but - "

"What do you mean you're 'SORRY'? The plane's here I'm here - "

"... all passengers must be onboard five minutes before the door closes... "

Dib tried to push his way onto the boarding ramp but the agents quickly blocked him. "The plane is right THERE, I can SEE it, let me ON it for God's sake, I HAVE to catch this flight I HAVE TO!"

Like robots they kept mouthing the same line. " ...we regret company rules... to keep you safe... if you wish you may reschedule... "

"GODDAMMIT YOU LET ME ON THAT PLANE OR... !"

"Sir, if you do not control yourself you will be arrested and blocked from any further... "

Through the window he could see the plane beginning to pull away from the terminal. There went Dib's flight. He would never make his European connection now; he could kiss this paranormal conference goodbye. Dib's foot slammed into the wall in fury as his shriek echoed through the entire airport...

**"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!" **

_(AP) At least 125 people have died after Northeastern Airlines Flight 422 crashed at 9:48 am, 20 minutes after taking off from City Airport. The plane rapidly lost altitude and exploded on impact. Speculation centers around Turkmenistanian terrorists, but experts say it is still too soon to determine the cause of the crash. _

_Early reports indicate there are no survivors. _

The End

_(A/N) ... and that's how to write frustration for a main character. (In fact, that IS how the earlier IZ episodes were written before team spirit finally broke down under N!cks' micromanagement and ham-fisted meddling.) Things have to balance somehow; bad emotions must have good emotions to counter them, otherwise the reader will be as frustrated as the character. (Somehow everyone forgets this whenever the main character is DIB.) _

_Of course, I'm not trying to claim that the ending of this fic is a happy one per se, but Dib is ironically much relieved that he did NOT make this flight after all. _


End file.
